Do some books just leap out of the bookshelf to command your attention?
“The Most Powerful Woman in the Room Is You” by Lydia Fenet was one such book whose bright orange and pink cover with the title splashed in bold type spoke to me immediately. I vividly remember the moment I was attracted to the book. We were on a family holiday in San Francisco. After ambling around the wine and cheese shops at the Ferry Building Marketplace one sunny afternoon, we landed up at Book Passage, an iconic Bay Area book shop chain that has a cosy outlet at the ferry building. I wasn’t really looking to buy anything but the cover exuded supreme confidence and Arianna Huffington’s strong endorsement that the book will help you “find your voice, unlock your talents, and take charge of your career” did it for me.
Lydia is Global Managing Director, Strategic Partnerships and Lead Benefit Auctioneer at Christie’s Auction House. In this book, she shares her mantras for success based on her own professional and personal journey from intern to MD at Christie’s! I read this book many years ago and I recently revisited my underlined highlights to share her gems with you.
I want to shine the light on the topic of self-confidence because so many of us are lacking in this. We may have great talents but confidence and better still, supreme confidence, is key. It helps you get noticed and get preferred, opening doors that might have been hitherto closed. People are magnetically attracted to those with an aura of invincibility; preferably laced with humility and not arrogance. Unless we find a way to unlock our confidence, our biggest dreams will remain unachievable.
The power lies within you.
“Somewhere deep down you believe that you have a voice that needs to be heard, that you have what it takes to not only succeed but also excel in life. Maybe you feel this way because it was what your parents or teachers told you. Or maybe you believe it despite what people have been telling you all along. All you know is that you are ready. Ready to make your voice heard and ready to reach the goals you see in front of you.”
“What I want you to know is that you are the only person who can change the course of your life. You can be whatever you want to be and you can do whatever you want to do. But you will need to learn how to use the voice inside you to sell your way to the life that you want.”
So how can you become the most powerful woman in the room? Let’s look at Lydia’s first six mantras this week. In next week’s newsletter, we will look at the remaining seven.
1. The most powerful woman in the room uses the strike method.
What is the strike method? It’s that moment that is a signal to yourself that you are are about to own whatever room you are in and you won’t be leaving until everyone there knows it. For Lydia, it was the gavel strike given her career as an auctioneer. For me, in client and internal meetings after the warm-up chitchat is over, I tend to use the word “Right, let’s…” which signals my shift to command mode. It could be a physical action, a sentence or even a facial expression. It gets me into the flow. My focus and energy is full on, ready to conquer.
What signal can you use that is authentic to you that gives you the confidence to engage and command the audience?
2. The most powerful woman in the room sells as herself.
“It was only when I started talking to the audience instead of at the audience, and incorporating things that I was noticing in the room into the auction, that the crowd started to engage. And the more I realised that people had stopped talking over me and were actually listening to what I was saying, the more I came alive; and the more I came alive, the more fun they had.”
Lydia urges us to think about the way we are communicating ourselves to other people. Are you truly selling as yourself or are you trying to create an image of what the other person wants to see?
Try this eye-opening exercise she suggests. Watch how people respond when you are presenting or talking to them. Are they engaged and waiting for your next sentence or are their eyes glazed over and are they distracted by their mobile phones?
How can you weave your stories into your engagement with others? How can you use your personality to bring others along?
3. The most powerful woman in the room knows you are what you negotiate.
“Go big or go home.”
“Negotiate only with the full confidence and understanding of your capabilities, experience, and the value you will bring.”
Don’t be afraid to put yourself forward is the key lesson here. You are the only one who can truly advocate for yourself. Your work or others are not going to do the talking. When you see others getting what they want (promotions, raises, opportunities), take a few minutes to congratulate them and ask for any insights on how they might have achieved their goals.
What could you be asking for in your life right now if you had no fear?
4. The most powerful woman in the room grows stronger every time she fails.
“She uses failure as a learning tool to help her grow, sharpen her skills, and pivot in a few direction.”
“The next time you feel utter despair when you don’t get something you thought you couldn’t live without, know that you can live without it and the fact that you didn’t get it is part of what will truly make you stronger.”
At the SPArc Talk Series in 2016, I spoke about three failures and how they helped me grow. The preparation for that session taught me about the importance on reflecting on setbacks not just remembering and replaying the highlights reel.
What was the last time you failed? What can you learn from that experience? How can it help you grow?
5. The most powerful woman in the room harnesses the power of community.
Lydia reminds us that leadership is about human connection, about inspiring and connecting not only by ourselves but encouraging other people to do it as well. It’s about wanting everyone to succeed as much as wanting to succeed ourselves.
“Be a mentor to those coming up behind you, be an ally to your colleagues, and develop strong relationships with your boss and others in senior leadership. Make friends both within and outside your industry. Don’t forget to ask, and give as well as receive, and you’ll see a seismic shift in the trajectory of your career. And always remember that when one woman rises, we all rise.” These are wise words from Dee Poku, a trailblazing woman leaders, Founder and CEO of Women Inspiration & Enterprise who is one of the contributors in this chapter of the book.
Do you have a mentor who you speak with regularly? What about a mentee? Who are you spending time with and helping succeed?
6. The most powerful woman in the room never misses an opportunity to network.
“Ultimately it is how you cultivate and grow your network that will set you apart from every other person trying to sell.”
“The Most Powerful Woman in the Room is road-mapping her career from the first day of her internship until she ultimately gets what she wants.”
The deployment of your supreme confidence via networking is the single most important aspect of crafting your success story.
Do you know your business contacts at a personal level? Do you have a cadence for how often you are in touch? How broad and deep is your network? How much time are you setting aside for networking every day?
That’s a lot of food for thought (I hope!) for the week. Next week, we will continue with seven more of Lydia’s mantras to make you The Most Powerful Woman in the Room.
Over to you now:
How badly do you want to be the Most Powerful Woman in the Room?
How many aspects of these first six mantras have you already mastered?
Which one should you pick to work on in the coming weeks?